The google stats function does not exactly tell me how many repeat visitors following me, but I am rehashing the subject of dealing with the past since we are dealing with a point in time where we look back and we look ahead and try to balance the two. Forgive me if this repeats too much since I have talked about regrets and past trauma, but since this is now the new year weekend I had a new thought.
We all have a history and we often find ourselves facing with it as it sometimes keeps us from moving forward. We can feel paralyzed by the past whether it is the critical comments of parents and other influential people or our own mistakes. On the other hand, some people have had so much success that they do not feel that they can keep it up. The product is a lack of confidence that keeps us from moving forward and feeling fulfilled and satisfied for what we are doing.
Legitimate life long consequences.
There are some situations where there will be life-long consequences. There will be some scars on reputations and bodies due to poor judgment and bad decisions and otherwise bad circumstances.
These scars may legitimately prevent some opportunities from happening such as getting certain jobs due to a felony. Felonies may also keep individuals from getting admitted to schools and getting professional licensure in multiple professions.
Some relationships get changed forever through divorce and extra-marital affairs. Some people lose statuses as trustees and deacons in churches. Ministers who studied extra to follow the call of God get fired and have to leave the ministry due to divorce and extra-marital affairs. I have met one minister who was genuinely repentant and one who rationalized his behavior by calling the church's values "archaic." Nevertheless, infidelity and divorce do often shake and shatter worlds.
In these cases a person faces new limits and boundaries that cut off desired opportunities. The limits and boundaries are both an emotional and physical stress that make people want to hide. From what I can tell, people have grief and loss processes that they must go through to put the past behind and look for ways to move on.
Emotional blocks
Some of the trauma we have experience by abusive parents and abusive bosses may put a block on our beliefs about what we can do and not do. Many adults still hold onto childhood beliefs without questioning their validity.
One powerful block on confidence is being a victim of a violent crime that include robbery and rape. Trauma from violence has this way of shaking previously confident adults. Yes, a once-confident adult is reduced to a person cowering in fear and paranoia over whether it is going to happen again.
Thinking about what could have been can be a dead end
Some people have done some really bad things and they will likely think about what they did every day, but the world keeps turning. While I do not have precise answers, there can be opportunity in the future. The question is whether or now you will let yourself look in that direction.
I have seen that the act of comparing what could have been with what is has been a common human activity. I think that we all do it. Doing it for a long time takes energy away from moving ahead.
Along these lines, guessing what your high school and college classmates might be thinking and doing, and comparing their success with yours can also be a waste. Unless you are actually stuck around a bunch of them and they are talkative sorts, then it is legitimate. However the majority of people from our past have moved on and are living their own lives--it is highly unlikely they are dwelling on your faults.
Often we paralyze ourselves when we put ourselves in competition with others. The ridiculous part is that we work up a big, imaginary picture in our heads of what they are doing versus that we will never verify and can never, ever know.
The world moves on. People forget what happened and are busy with their own business and worries. However, we make ourselves feel as if our problems are the leading story on the national network news every night and that everyone is glued to the screen sitting on edge to hear every detail.
Get up again
When we fall, it is a matter of getting up again. Some people will be able to get up and run. However, I think most people when they get up again, they take one slow, step at a time. Going slower is more more normal.
Getting up to pursue opportunity may be first a matter of convincing yourself that it is what you are going to do. Then you may have to slowly knock on doors to determine what your reality is.
We cannot get up the same way to the same opportunities--it just does not happen. However, I think that the future, including the new year offers that can be positive, fulfilling and rewarding. It just depends on whether we are looking for them or staring backwards and failing to see what is coming.
We all have a history and we often find ourselves facing with it as it sometimes keeps us from moving forward. We can feel paralyzed by the past whether it is the critical comments of parents and other influential people or our own mistakes. On the other hand, some people have had so much success that they do not feel that they can keep it up. The product is a lack of confidence that keeps us from moving forward and feeling fulfilled and satisfied for what we are doing.
Legitimate life long consequences.
There are some situations where there will be life-long consequences. There will be some scars on reputations and bodies due to poor judgment and bad decisions and otherwise bad circumstances.
These scars may legitimately prevent some opportunities from happening such as getting certain jobs due to a felony. Felonies may also keep individuals from getting admitted to schools and getting professional licensure in multiple professions.
Some relationships get changed forever through divorce and extra-marital affairs. Some people lose statuses as trustees and deacons in churches. Ministers who studied extra to follow the call of God get fired and have to leave the ministry due to divorce and extra-marital affairs. I have met one minister who was genuinely repentant and one who rationalized his behavior by calling the church's values "archaic." Nevertheless, infidelity and divorce do often shake and shatter worlds.
In these cases a person faces new limits and boundaries that cut off desired opportunities. The limits and boundaries are both an emotional and physical stress that make people want to hide. From what I can tell, people have grief and loss processes that they must go through to put the past behind and look for ways to move on.
Emotional blocks
Some of the trauma we have experience by abusive parents and abusive bosses may put a block on our beliefs about what we can do and not do. Many adults still hold onto childhood beliefs without questioning their validity.
One powerful block on confidence is being a victim of a violent crime that include robbery and rape. Trauma from violence has this way of shaking previously confident adults. Yes, a once-confident adult is reduced to a person cowering in fear and paranoia over whether it is going to happen again.
Thinking about what could have been can be a dead end
Some people have done some really bad things and they will likely think about what they did every day, but the world keeps turning. While I do not have precise answers, there can be opportunity in the future. The question is whether or now you will let yourself look in that direction.
I have seen that the act of comparing what could have been with what is has been a common human activity. I think that we all do it. Doing it for a long time takes energy away from moving ahead.
Along these lines, guessing what your high school and college classmates might be thinking and doing, and comparing their success with yours can also be a waste. Unless you are actually stuck around a bunch of them and they are talkative sorts, then it is legitimate. However the majority of people from our past have moved on and are living their own lives--it is highly unlikely they are dwelling on your faults.
Often we paralyze ourselves when we put ourselves in competition with others. The ridiculous part is that we work up a big, imaginary picture in our heads of what they are doing versus that we will never verify and can never, ever know.
The world moves on. People forget what happened and are busy with their own business and worries. However, we make ourselves feel as if our problems are the leading story on the national network news every night and that everyone is glued to the screen sitting on edge to hear every detail.
Get up again
When we fall, it is a matter of getting up again. Some people will be able to get up and run. However, I think most people when they get up again, they take one slow, step at a time. Going slower is more more normal.
Getting up to pursue opportunity may be first a matter of convincing yourself that it is what you are going to do. Then you may have to slowly knock on doors to determine what your reality is.
We cannot get up the same way to the same opportunities--it just does not happen. However, I think that the future, including the new year offers that can be positive, fulfilling and rewarding. It just depends on whether we are looking for them or staring backwards and failing to see what is coming.
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