Today in the state of Connecticut the most unthinkable happened. Twenty innocent and precious children sent off to Sandy Hook Elementary School by their parents or guardians are never coming home.
The unconscionable act of a young man took the lives of his mother and the students before taking his own. Several other adults were killed in the massacre. Including the shooter, 27 people are dead.
The cold reality is that this happened. There is no good time for tragedy. It is especially painful when it is supposed to be the most wonderful of the year. It is especially awkward when this coming Sunday is the Third Sunday of Advent--that of Joy.
Reactions
There are no words that are going to fully convey the full impact of this mass-murder suicide. People all over are in shock, reportedly even President Obama even was nearly moved to tears. Many people and corporations have made comments on their Facebook Pages. The few people who I talked with about this are all in shock. It appears that people all over have been glued to their televisions or the news websites, and all of the major U.S. networks are doing hour specials tonight on the tragedy.
As for me, when I first learned about the tragedy when the nurse on my unit was watching the web-based coverage, I immediately felt tense. I immediately remembered when my kids were five years old. My mind immediately imagined them being dead. I am pretty sure many other parents were feeling the same way. It is called preparatory grief.
When I came home tonight, I hugged my kids. In a sense I hugged my kids for the people in Connecticut. I felt thanksgiving for my children.
Oh Yeah. This Sunday is Supposed to be The Advent Sunday of Joy
I bet that the clergy in Connecticut and adjacent states who have already prepared Advent sermons on the theme of joy are in the process of changing them and preparing funeral sermons. They are going to have to harmonize the day of joy with the tragedy. My prayers are for them too because they are going to be some of the rocks that the parishioners will be leaning on in the days and weeks ahead.
How Do We Even Begin to Cope?
Right now, I think that we will begin to cope by recognizing that we are grieving. Coping will also mean taking care of ourselves by doing what we know to do: limit media consumption, spend time with our kids in some form, pray if you are a praying person.
We are grieving
The way I see it that for those of us who have been touched by this, we will have some form of grief and we are going to have to cope as we would with any other grief. We are going to have feelings and the beginning of coping is recognizing what is happening to us.
Right now it is a very good bet that we feel shock. We are feeling the pain while our imaginations are exploring possibilities of the horror and empathizing with the devastated parents and caretakers, and the children who were nearly missed by the shooter. We may even imagine what kind of dreams have been shattered and how lives have been indelibly changed.
It would not surprise me if people are more guarded at the shopping malls and department stores. We will be looking over our shoulders to see if there is going to be some copycat psychopath who was perversely inspired to act out some twisted fantasy. I will probably be a little more alert than usual like I was back in 2001-2002 after 9-11.
We will then feel anger. We may be angry at the shooter. We may be angry at the shooter's parents. We may be angry at the school officials for not having security. Some people may even be angry at the parents for sending their kids to school today--they should have kept their kids home.
Some may be even bargaining out of the futile hope that it is all a dream. Some may have a hope that their little kids are still alive and law enforcement made a mistake.
The depression will set in when we realize that it is not going to change and it really happened. We will feel stuck. However, for the majority of us in other parts of the country, we will likely get through this fairly quickly because we are not that close to it. We will get through it and we will be getting back to our lives because the events of our private lives and our needs will call us to move on and take care of what we have to do.
Acceptance means that we find a way to begin to heal and move on. We will pick up and move on as a country.
It is okay to be where you are now
As I have written this, I still feel some shock that the tragedy has happened. I can be as academic-sounding as anyone but it does not make me any any less human.
It is okay if you and I are still at the shock state or if you are at the anger state. You and I are human beings and that will not change.
The hope I offer is that you and I as human beings are surprisingly resilient. We can and do recover from a lot of trauma and bad news in our lives. If you think about it, we are exposed to all kinds of bad things in this world and we keep going and eventually find something to be hopeful about.
Consider Limiting Your Media Consumption
At this time, it is unclear how much media coverage there will be over the next week. I am sure that the cable all-news channels will be covering the tragedy aftermath non-stop. It is a fair bet that they will repeat the same facts over and over again. There will not be any new information of significance.
Exposing and re-exposing yourself to the information will re-traumatize you and keep you in the pain. It can distract you from moving on and taking care of your personal needs and your family needs while simultaneously keep you tense and in a bad emotional place. We do not necessarily become hardened and used to bad things as humans.
We learned from 9-11 that we cannot watch the news non-stop. As humans we have our limits and we cannot just sit and listen to bad news non-stop without breaking down.
Practice Thanksgiving
Tragedies like this help us to refocus on what matters. For me I think that instead of watching TV news coverage tonight and tomorrow, spending time with your kids (if you have them) is a far more quality activity than trying to be informed. Make Pancakes or go for walks or play board games or give them a phone call . . . do something that affirms life and the relationships that you have.
Pray if You Are a Praying Person
I believe that when you feel powerless, praying is something that you can do. Mind you I am a religious person and I believe in an all-powerful God who loves us. While I am not even going to begin to get into an defense of how a loving God can allow something so horrific to happen, I believe that God is close to those who are suffering (Psalm 34:12) and He knows what it is like to feel pain and suffering (Isaiah 53:3). Praying for the suffering parents to feel the arms of God is something you and I can do that is meaningful, and real. Prayer has a way of helping us center ourselves too.
Closing Thoughts
These have been some very imperfect thoughts for those people who are looking for ideas on coping with today's tragedy. I hope that these have been helpful in giving you ideas to you in your search for peace. I have a feeling I will be writing more on this subject in the days and weeks ahead. If you have subjects you would like me to write on, feel free to put your questions for requests in the comment section.
The unconscionable act of a young man took the lives of his mother and the students before taking his own. Several other adults were killed in the massacre. Including the shooter, 27 people are dead.
The cold reality is that this happened. There is no good time for tragedy. It is especially painful when it is supposed to be the most wonderful of the year. It is especially awkward when this coming Sunday is the Third Sunday of Advent--that of Joy.
Reactions
There are no words that are going to fully convey the full impact of this mass-murder suicide. People all over are in shock, reportedly even President Obama even was nearly moved to tears. Many people and corporations have made comments on their Facebook Pages. The few people who I talked with about this are all in shock. It appears that people all over have been glued to their televisions or the news websites, and all of the major U.S. networks are doing hour specials tonight on the tragedy.
As for me, when I first learned about the tragedy when the nurse on my unit was watching the web-based coverage, I immediately felt tense. I immediately remembered when my kids were five years old. My mind immediately imagined them being dead. I am pretty sure many other parents were feeling the same way. It is called preparatory grief.
When I came home tonight, I hugged my kids. In a sense I hugged my kids for the people in Connecticut. I felt thanksgiving for my children.
Oh Yeah. This Sunday is Supposed to be The Advent Sunday of Joy
I bet that the clergy in Connecticut and adjacent states who have already prepared Advent sermons on the theme of joy are in the process of changing them and preparing funeral sermons. They are going to have to harmonize the day of joy with the tragedy. My prayers are for them too because they are going to be some of the rocks that the parishioners will be leaning on in the days and weeks ahead.
How Do We Even Begin to Cope?
Right now, I think that we will begin to cope by recognizing that we are grieving. Coping will also mean taking care of ourselves by doing what we know to do: limit media consumption, spend time with our kids in some form, pray if you are a praying person.
We are grieving
The way I see it that for those of us who have been touched by this, we will have some form of grief and we are going to have to cope as we would with any other grief. We are going to have feelings and the beginning of coping is recognizing what is happening to us.
Right now it is a very good bet that we feel shock. We are feeling the pain while our imaginations are exploring possibilities of the horror and empathizing with the devastated parents and caretakers, and the children who were nearly missed by the shooter. We may even imagine what kind of dreams have been shattered and how lives have been indelibly changed.
It would not surprise me if people are more guarded at the shopping malls and department stores. We will be looking over our shoulders to see if there is going to be some copycat psychopath who was perversely inspired to act out some twisted fantasy. I will probably be a little more alert than usual like I was back in 2001-2002 after 9-11.
We will then feel anger. We may be angry at the shooter. We may be angry at the shooter's parents. We may be angry at the school officials for not having security. Some people may even be angry at the parents for sending their kids to school today--they should have kept their kids home.
Some may be even bargaining out of the futile hope that it is all a dream. Some may have a hope that their little kids are still alive and law enforcement made a mistake.
The depression will set in when we realize that it is not going to change and it really happened. We will feel stuck. However, for the majority of us in other parts of the country, we will likely get through this fairly quickly because we are not that close to it. We will get through it and we will be getting back to our lives because the events of our private lives and our needs will call us to move on and take care of what we have to do.
Acceptance means that we find a way to begin to heal and move on. We will pick up and move on as a country.
It is okay to be where you are now
As I have written this, I still feel some shock that the tragedy has happened. I can be as academic-sounding as anyone but it does not make me any any less human.
It is okay if you and I are still at the shock state or if you are at the anger state. You and I are human beings and that will not change.
The hope I offer is that you and I as human beings are surprisingly resilient. We can and do recover from a lot of trauma and bad news in our lives. If you think about it, we are exposed to all kinds of bad things in this world and we keep going and eventually find something to be hopeful about.
Consider Limiting Your Media Consumption
At this time, it is unclear how much media coverage there will be over the next week. I am sure that the cable all-news channels will be covering the tragedy aftermath non-stop. It is a fair bet that they will repeat the same facts over and over again. There will not be any new information of significance.
Exposing and re-exposing yourself to the information will re-traumatize you and keep you in the pain. It can distract you from moving on and taking care of your personal needs and your family needs while simultaneously keep you tense and in a bad emotional place. We do not necessarily become hardened and used to bad things as humans.
We learned from 9-11 that we cannot watch the news non-stop. As humans we have our limits and we cannot just sit and listen to bad news non-stop without breaking down.
Practice Thanksgiving
Tragedies like this help us to refocus on what matters. For me I think that instead of watching TV news coverage tonight and tomorrow, spending time with your kids (if you have them) is a far more quality activity than trying to be informed. Make Pancakes or go for walks or play board games or give them a phone call . . . do something that affirms life and the relationships that you have.
Pray if You Are a Praying Person
I believe that when you feel powerless, praying is something that you can do. Mind you I am a religious person and I believe in an all-powerful God who loves us. While I am not even going to begin to get into an defense of how a loving God can allow something so horrific to happen, I believe that God is close to those who are suffering (Psalm 34:12) and He knows what it is like to feel pain and suffering (Isaiah 53:3). Praying for the suffering parents to feel the arms of God is something you and I can do that is meaningful, and real. Prayer has a way of helping us center ourselves too.
Closing Thoughts
These have been some very imperfect thoughts for those people who are looking for ideas on coping with today's tragedy. I hope that these have been helpful in giving you ideas to you in your search for peace. I have a feeling I will be writing more on this subject in the days and weeks ahead. If you have subjects you would like me to write on, feel free to put your questions for requests in the comment section.
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