Tonight I went to my daughter's middle school for a "winter" concert. It is a very plain school with white hallways and very bright fluorescent lights. I smelled the cleaning solutions that the custodians/janitors used only a few hours before.
It took me back to to my days in school. The junior high that I went to had similar features and it seems that over the years, a school still smells like a school. It took me to times in my youth where I performed in choral and band concerts. It took me back to all of those days I smelled the cleaning solutions and felt nauseous.
Christmas time as most any other time is a time for reflection on memories. We tend to be reminded or triggered regarding the past a lot during the holidays.
Memories Considered
Our memories essentially come back when someone brings something up or we get triggered. The most useful concept in understanding triggers is what another author called "The Trauma Wall." Our our traumas get permanently engraved in our mind and when we encounter the trigger or something like it, we have flashbacks.
I actually think that we have a wall where all of our memories are engraved in the granite of our minds and there are good triggers and bad triggers. If the memory is good then it is good. If the memory is bad then it could be just an unpleasant memory or a flashback.
The good triggers lead us to remember pleasant memories. We remember the easier times in our past with nostalgia. Nostalgia usually happens when we are thinking about times when we did not have the problems we have now.
However the flashbacks are very shocking to our systems. We experienced terrible things and they remain terrible things to us. When they come back into our conscious and we think about them, we feel all the stressful and desperate emotions and are energized by the adrenaline the emotions signal the adrenal glads to produce.
A flashback can be so horrific that it disorients us from reality. The more trauma we have experienced, the more flashbacks we have. I have found some people who lose touch with the fact they are having flashbacks either dissociateor have mood swings that they cannot account for.
When people dwell on the past, they often waste the present. In the here and now we only have so much energy and time. How we occupy our mind can mean the difference between distraction or focus and satisfaction. Dwelling on the past has rarely made anyone a better person.
Memories Only Matter as Much as We Want Them to Matter
I think that it is human to dwell on the past. We all have these past experiences that captivate us in that we cannot get them out of our minds. Usually it is the pain. Our minds want to rewrite the past. We may get mad at ourselves
I have decided that many people with low self-esteem dwell on the bad things in the past because they believe they are too stupid to make a better decision now or in the future. They just do not have faith in their capabilities to change.
With a few exceptions, the majority of people in our lives could care less about our screw-ups and mistakes in the past. Many of us hold our painful past behind a wall of shame and continue to say "If you only knew."
The few exceptions usually include family members. We cannot shake the family members. Some of our family members seem to have this impulsive urge to bring up the past at the most awkward and bizarre times and they will ruin holiday celebrations. This is one of the reasons why the relationship problems people have are predominantly with families.
However, for many of us the non-relative people of the past have moved on and the current people in our lives have no clue or interest in our past accidents and embarrassments. They do not read our minds and they are not looking to learn all about our past problems. They only care about who we are and how we treat them in the present. What this means is that we are making a choice to dwell and hold onto the memories.
We make a choice as to how our past affects us today. We decide how much we will dwell and how we will dwell. To stop dwelling on the past is to make a change within us and only within us.
Some people say that they just cannot help it. They will continue to dwell on the past. They only will stop when they find the motivation for change. The motivation often is a spiritual-like realization that dwelling on the negative past is neither making you feel good, nor is it making you a better person.
Concluding Thoughts
People who tend to isolate and stay to themselves are more likely to dwell on the past. Getting active and being around people is often a better bet to reduce dwelling on the past. When you are doing things with people, you tend to be more present-focused.
To stop dwelling on the past can be very liberating. It is not always easy, but it is fruitful. People who do not dwell on the past tend to sleep better and enjoy the present.
This Christmas, I hope that if this is your deal, that you can be focused in the here and now and how you can make this holiday a good one.
It took me back to to my days in school. The junior high that I went to had similar features and it seems that over the years, a school still smells like a school. It took me to times in my youth where I performed in choral and band concerts. It took me back to all of those days I smelled the cleaning solutions and felt nauseous.
Christmas time as most any other time is a time for reflection on memories. We tend to be reminded or triggered regarding the past a lot during the holidays.
Memories Considered
Our memories essentially come back when someone brings something up or we get triggered. The most useful concept in understanding triggers is what another author called "The Trauma Wall." Our our traumas get permanently engraved in our mind and when we encounter the trigger or something like it, we have flashbacks.
I actually think that we have a wall where all of our memories are engraved in the granite of our minds and there are good triggers and bad triggers. If the memory is good then it is good. If the memory is bad then it could be just an unpleasant memory or a flashback.
The good triggers lead us to remember pleasant memories. We remember the easier times in our past with nostalgia. Nostalgia usually happens when we are thinking about times when we did not have the problems we have now.
However the flashbacks are very shocking to our systems. We experienced terrible things and they remain terrible things to us. When they come back into our conscious and we think about them, we feel all the stressful and desperate emotions and are energized by the adrenaline the emotions signal the adrenal glads to produce.
A flashback can be so horrific that it disorients us from reality. The more trauma we have experienced, the more flashbacks we have. I have found some people who lose touch with the fact they are having flashbacks either dissociateor have mood swings that they cannot account for.
When people dwell on the past, they often waste the present. In the here and now we only have so much energy and time. How we occupy our mind can mean the difference between distraction or focus and satisfaction. Dwelling on the past has rarely made anyone a better person.
Memories Only Matter as Much as We Want Them to Matter
I think that it is human to dwell on the past. We all have these past experiences that captivate us in that we cannot get them out of our minds. Usually it is the pain. Our minds want to rewrite the past. We may get mad at ourselves
I have decided that many people with low self-esteem dwell on the bad things in the past because they believe they are too stupid to make a better decision now or in the future. They just do not have faith in their capabilities to change.
With a few exceptions, the majority of people in our lives could care less about our screw-ups and mistakes in the past. Many of us hold our painful past behind a wall of shame and continue to say "If you only knew."
The few exceptions usually include family members. We cannot shake the family members. Some of our family members seem to have this impulsive urge to bring up the past at the most awkward and bizarre times and they will ruin holiday celebrations. This is one of the reasons why the relationship problems people have are predominantly with families.
However, for many of us the non-relative people of the past have moved on and the current people in our lives have no clue or interest in our past accidents and embarrassments. They do not read our minds and they are not looking to learn all about our past problems. They only care about who we are and how we treat them in the present. What this means is that we are making a choice to dwell and hold onto the memories.
We make a choice as to how our past affects us today. We decide how much we will dwell and how we will dwell. To stop dwelling on the past is to make a change within us and only within us.
Some people say that they just cannot help it. They will continue to dwell on the past. They only will stop when they find the motivation for change. The motivation often is a spiritual-like realization that dwelling on the negative past is neither making you feel good, nor is it making you a better person.
Concluding Thoughts
People who tend to isolate and stay to themselves are more likely to dwell on the past. Getting active and being around people is often a better bet to reduce dwelling on the past. When you are doing things with people, you tend to be more present-focused.
To stop dwelling on the past can be very liberating. It is not always easy, but it is fruitful. People who do not dwell on the past tend to sleep better and enjoy the present.
This Christmas, I hope that if this is your deal, that you can be focused in the here and now and how you can make this holiday a good one.
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