It does not seem like the holiday season here in Louisville, Kentucky USA. It was in the 60's (Fareinheit) today and it was rainy. Yes, there are 21 more days until Christmas and it looks like a late February/early March day in terms of weather. But it is the holiday season and you cannot judge by the way things look outside.
Despite the weather, all of the man-made trappings are out. Many people have decked their houses and yards in "Christmas" lights. People are trying to get the Christmas Spirit listening to the music and watching old Christmas movies, and wearing festive holiday clothing that sits in their storage tubs the rest of the year.
The music is probably the most powerful of the different aspects of the Christmas season for most people. The music goes everywhere and can be heard .. . in stores . . . the malls . . . and on the radio. People sing it to themselves as they drive, and wash dishes. Music has a way of bringing on feeling and emotion and can make people laugh or people cry.
I'm dreaming of what?
The power of music leads me to think about how powerful illusions and false appearances at the holiday can be. One of the all-time best selling recordings is that of White Christmas by Irving Berlin. The opening line is about someone dreaming about a snowy Christmas like the ones he used to know.
The irony of it all is that Irving Berlin was jewish. He did not keep Christmas as a child . . . he kept Haunukuh and even while as a secular jewish who was not observant, he did not keep Christmas during that time either. Christmas Day was actually tough for him because his son died on a Christmas Day in the 1920's. From the different sources I could briefly piece together, he wrote a song for the Christmas market because it would sell. Yes, he made a lot of money off of it.
Don't get me wrong, the song was a morale booster to American troops during World War II. It made them think about getting home for Christmas. However, the point is, at its basic nature, the song is an illusion--the composer simply composed something and it was not real or personal.
Being Real
I think that coping during difficult holidays means looking at what is real and what is illusion. I am not suggesting that everyone be skeptics, because if someone is not having a hang up about Christmas and the holiday they should continue doing what they are doing. However, checking out whether or not you are chasing an illusion can be of value if you are dealing with pain, so you might feel less pain or maybe even feel good.
The primary Illusion in this case mean that Christmas is supposed to happen in such a way also known as
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy it means that a person suffering such distress in such a way is focusing on the "shoulds," "musts," and "oughts." Perfection is unattainable and does not happen.
Who says that things should be a certain way? Sometimes it is a powerful person in our life. But most of the time it is us and what we are choosing to think. We have the power to say what should happen and what should not happen. People judge themselves needlessly against the illusion.
Giving up the "should" often means surrendering and grieving that the illusion is not going to happen. But giving up the "should, must or ought," can also be liberating. The liberation comes from not feeling that the holiday has to meet a standard that is merely an illusion and not real.
If you are grieving a loss this holiday, your holiday does not have to be perfect. It may feel numb and surreal. Things may not exactly taste as good as they would other holidays. You may choose a scaled down menu. You may turn on other music instead of listening to Christmas music, and it is all okay because you are grieving. Grieving is a necessary part of life so we can move on.
For many, Christmas will still be painful and hopefully there can be less pain when people get real and stop chasing illusions that things should be perfect.
Despite the weather, all of the man-made trappings are out. Many people have decked their houses and yards in "Christmas" lights. People are trying to get the Christmas Spirit listening to the music and watching old Christmas movies, and wearing festive holiday clothing that sits in their storage tubs the rest of the year.
The music is probably the most powerful of the different aspects of the Christmas season for most people. The music goes everywhere and can be heard .. . in stores . . . the malls . . . and on the radio. People sing it to themselves as they drive, and wash dishes. Music has a way of bringing on feeling and emotion and can make people laugh or people cry.
I'm dreaming of what?
The power of music leads me to think about how powerful illusions and false appearances at the holiday can be. One of the all-time best selling recordings is that of White Christmas by Irving Berlin. The opening line is about someone dreaming about a snowy Christmas like the ones he used to know.
The irony of it all is that Irving Berlin was jewish. He did not keep Christmas as a child . . . he kept Haunukuh and even while as a secular jewish who was not observant, he did not keep Christmas during that time either. Christmas Day was actually tough for him because his son died on a Christmas Day in the 1920's. From the different sources I could briefly piece together, he wrote a song for the Christmas market because it would sell. Yes, he made a lot of money off of it.
Don't get me wrong, the song was a morale booster to American troops during World War II. It made them think about getting home for Christmas. However, the point is, at its basic nature, the song is an illusion--the composer simply composed something and it was not real or personal.
Being Real
I think that coping during difficult holidays means looking at what is real and what is illusion. I am not suggesting that everyone be skeptics, because if someone is not having a hang up about Christmas and the holiday they should continue doing what they are doing. However, checking out whether or not you are chasing an illusion can be of value if you are dealing with pain, so you might feel less pain or maybe even feel good.
The primary Illusion in this case mean that Christmas is supposed to happen in such a way also known as
perfect.
In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy it means that a person suffering such distress in such a way is focusing on the "shoulds," "musts," and "oughts." Perfection is unattainable and does not happen.
Who says that things should be a certain way? Sometimes it is a powerful person in our life. But most of the time it is us and what we are choosing to think. We have the power to say what should happen and what should not happen. People judge themselves needlessly against the illusion.
Giving up the "should" often means surrendering and grieving that the illusion is not going to happen. But giving up the "should, must or ought," can also be liberating. The liberation comes from not feeling that the holiday has to meet a standard that is merely an illusion and not real.
If you are grieving a loss this holiday, your holiday does not have to be perfect. It may feel numb and surreal. Things may not exactly taste as good as they would other holidays. You may choose a scaled down menu. You may turn on other music instead of listening to Christmas music, and it is all okay because you are grieving. Grieving is a necessary part of life so we can move on.
For many, Christmas will still be painful and hopefully there can be less pain when people get real and stop chasing illusions that things should be perfect.
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