At the end of this American Thanksgiving Day I am listening to the online version of "The Link" from Radio Canada at http://www.rcinet.ca/english/program/the-link/home/ and taking inventory.
The coping strategy results
While it was not a perfect day, it turned out to be a good day with some satisfaction. The strategy worked: a project that occupies your mind and that you can get excited about helps makes a holiday better. My strategy for Thanksgiving Day was to make bookshelves in the garage workroom.
Despite the warped wood from a reputable national chain of building supply and do it yourself stores, the two book shelves look decent. My wife and I have already cleaned up the cluttered sides of our bed and put our book collections (previously on the floor and under the bed) on the shelves. There was a double supply of satisfaction: the shelves are done and my bedside if clean.
The family factor
It seemed to be good that we were by ourselves. My wife and I called our sides of the family and both had a few good chuckles, a few scoffs, and a few sad head-shakes. Being far away helps you see things within the big picture of the rest of your life situation instead of getting caught up in it because it is up close and dominating the landscape. If we had been with some of those people we would have endured some drama and headaches.
Traditions--They come and go and we grieve when they stop
Yes, had our nuclear family traditions as we watched the Macy's parade (the NBC version) and had to deal with some boredom by the kids. They would have preferred to watch Phineas and Ferb or something else on Disney Channel, but we stood our ground and had to tell them to share the couch and keep their hands off each other. However, it was cool talking about Scotty McCreery not catching his cue and whether Kermit the Frog was one of the Muppets when the Sesame Street Float came on the screen (Scotty--I think I would have downright embarassed myself if I had to sing there--your still a far better man than I when it comes to public performance).
We had the dinner as planned and talked about our blessings amongst other subjects around the table. Later, we made good on our six-year-old tradition and went to the nearby convenience store and tried some strange "Apple Cider Cappucino."
I was mindful that tradition is part of the relationship that binds people. A tradition in this context is a repeated activity that provides a sense of belonging and connection. A tradition is a positive activity.
Without the relationships, a tradition otherwise tends to be empty and meaningless. Some people hang onto traditions believing that they hold the meaning to the holiday. They may engage in the tradition alone, and it may bring some satisfaction, but it is unlikely going to be as good as when they kept the tradition with family.
No, I think that traditions will come and go. I am becoming of the opinion that it is important to grieve the loss of the old traditions that no longer are. If we do not grieve the loss of those traditions, we continue to stay in the pain that the holidays are not the same.
What this is going to mean is that there may be a day when some or most of our family traditions cease. We will feel sad because we will not do them anymore.
There was a day when my grandparents stopped hosting the large Thanksgiving meals. They started going to Florida before Thanksgiving, then bought a mobile home trailer, and then sold their home in Des Moines. My mother was not one to make Thanksgiving Dinners like my grandmother did and we had an electric stove so there was not the smell of a gas stove. She also was averse to making stuffing/dressing, baking pumpkin pies, and potato soup Thanksgiving night with the leftover mashed potatoes. As a teenager I thought that Thanksgiving was not as good anymore--I was grieving and of course I was not realizing it.
There will be a time when the simple traditions of my little family will stop too. They will stop for whatever reason like my kids moving away and not coming home for the holidays. Maybe we will grieve or maybe we will simply have other traditions that replace them.
Changing gears: Black Friday
Given that we had stayed home I read through the paper and its glossy inserts. I noted that there were 56 glossy inserts for "Black Friday" retail sales. The paper was as big as if not bigger than the Sunday paper! (Of course two advertisers had two different glossies.)
Black Friday is statistically the biggest shopping day of the year. Retailers are enticing us to go out with special upon special. The question to me is "Are they really special?"
Retailers have put so much expectation into the holiday season. There will be an almost weekly news story telling us whether or not sales forecasts are being met.
Retailers have sent out a not-so-subtle message of guilt that it is your and my patriotic if not religious duty to go out and spend money. That message of guilt to me is irrational because it is neither a relgious violation nor a violation of the law if you do not go out and spend your money.
However, there can be a blurring of the guilt. Many of us feel inadequate because we cannot afford the things we want . . . or feel that we should be giving to others. There can be a sense of inadequacy seeing all of that cool merchandise and know we cannot afford it. Some people try to ease this sense of guilt by pulling out the credit card, but then they also face a sense of guilt and increased vulnerability because they spent money they really did not have. It can be a never ending cycle.
Many people are still unemployed this holiday season. They cannot even begin to afford Christmas presents let alone paying all the bills. That could make the feelings worse.
I am going to be exploring coping with the lack of money in light of the psychological war of the retail and advertising sectors in the next posting.
The coping strategy results
While it was not a perfect day, it turned out to be a good day with some satisfaction. The strategy worked: a project that occupies your mind and that you can get excited about helps makes a holiday better. My strategy for Thanksgiving Day was to make bookshelves in the garage workroom.
Despite the warped wood from a reputable national chain of building supply and do it yourself stores, the two book shelves look decent. My wife and I have already cleaned up the cluttered sides of our bed and put our book collections (previously on the floor and under the bed) on the shelves. There was a double supply of satisfaction: the shelves are done and my bedside if clean.
The family factor
It seemed to be good that we were by ourselves. My wife and I called our sides of the family and both had a few good chuckles, a few scoffs, and a few sad head-shakes. Being far away helps you see things within the big picture of the rest of your life situation instead of getting caught up in it because it is up close and dominating the landscape. If we had been with some of those people we would have endured some drama and headaches.
Traditions--They come and go and we grieve when they stop
Yes, had our nuclear family traditions as we watched the Macy's parade (the NBC version) and had to deal with some boredom by the kids. They would have preferred to watch Phineas and Ferb or something else on Disney Channel, but we stood our ground and had to tell them to share the couch and keep their hands off each other. However, it was cool talking about Scotty McCreery not catching his cue and whether Kermit the Frog was one of the Muppets when the Sesame Street Float came on the screen (Scotty--I think I would have downright embarassed myself if I had to sing there--your still a far better man than I when it comes to public performance).
We had the dinner as planned and talked about our blessings amongst other subjects around the table. Later, we made good on our six-year-old tradition and went to the nearby convenience store and tried some strange "Apple Cider Cappucino."
I was mindful that tradition is part of the relationship that binds people. A tradition in this context is a repeated activity that provides a sense of belonging and connection. A tradition is a positive activity.
Without the relationships, a tradition otherwise tends to be empty and meaningless. Some people hang onto traditions believing that they hold the meaning to the holiday. They may engage in the tradition alone, and it may bring some satisfaction, but it is unlikely going to be as good as when they kept the tradition with family.
No, I think that traditions will come and go. I am becoming of the opinion that it is important to grieve the loss of the old traditions that no longer are. If we do not grieve the loss of those traditions, we continue to stay in the pain that the holidays are not the same.
What this is going to mean is that there may be a day when some or most of our family traditions cease. We will feel sad because we will not do them anymore.
There was a day when my grandparents stopped hosting the large Thanksgiving meals. They started going to Florida before Thanksgiving, then bought a mobile home trailer, and then sold their home in Des Moines. My mother was not one to make Thanksgiving Dinners like my grandmother did and we had an electric stove so there was not the smell of a gas stove. She also was averse to making stuffing/dressing, baking pumpkin pies, and potato soup Thanksgiving night with the leftover mashed potatoes. As a teenager I thought that Thanksgiving was not as good anymore--I was grieving and of course I was not realizing it.
There will be a time when the simple traditions of my little family will stop too. They will stop for whatever reason like my kids moving away and not coming home for the holidays. Maybe we will grieve or maybe we will simply have other traditions that replace them.
Changing gears: Black Friday
Given that we had stayed home I read through the paper and its glossy inserts. I noted that there were 56 glossy inserts for "Black Friday" retail sales. The paper was as big as if not bigger than the Sunday paper! (Of course two advertisers had two different glossies.)
Black Friday is statistically the biggest shopping day of the year. Retailers are enticing us to go out with special upon special. The question to me is "Are they really special?"
Retailers have put so much expectation into the holiday season. There will be an almost weekly news story telling us whether or not sales forecasts are being met.
Retailers have sent out a not-so-subtle message of guilt that it is your and my patriotic if not religious duty to go out and spend money. That message of guilt to me is irrational because it is neither a relgious violation nor a violation of the law if you do not go out and spend your money.
However, there can be a blurring of the guilt. Many of us feel inadequate because we cannot afford the things we want . . . or feel that we should be giving to others. There can be a sense of inadequacy seeing all of that cool merchandise and know we cannot afford it. Some people try to ease this sense of guilt by pulling out the credit card, but then they also face a sense of guilt and increased vulnerability because they spent money they really did not have. It can be a never ending cycle.
Many people are still unemployed this holiday season. They cannot even begin to afford Christmas presents let alone paying all the bills. That could make the feelings worse.
I am going to be exploring coping with the lack of money in light of the psychological war of the retail and advertising sectors in the next posting.
No comments:
Post a Comment