Today is the first Sunday in Advent which focused on the theme of "Hope."
Advent is part of the church year that consists of four weeks. It is celebrated in many high-church traditions that include the Catholic, Methodist, Anglican, and Lutheran churches. If you want to learn more about Advent a basic Google query will give you a number of great websites with more information than you can shake a stick at.
While I did not grow up with Advent, I do see it as a season of the church year that invites me to look at myself, and find renewal as we look to celebrate the earthly birth of Jesus Christ, God-incarnate. We see how we are sinful people in need of God's grace and salvation as revealed and accomplished in Jesus Christ.
I recognize that many rationally-thinking people struggle with the concept of a God. For them they further have problems wrapping their heads around the Christmas story that at times can be compared with a movie plot by George Lucas. Christmas does call for faith, and whether you have it is up to you.
Hope and Survivors
Regardless, hope is something that many people are looking for in this world. If you admit to being an emotional survivor like I discussed yesterday, hope may be a problem.
Survivors live behind emotional walls. They dwell on what is bad about themselves. They are afraid to come out and be who they really are because dwelling on the bad points has tended to reduce their self-esteem to close to nothing. They do not trust anyone and suffer in self-imposed isolation.
A person's emotional walls tend to get built in childhood by family dysfunction and abuse. The dysfunction demands the adherance to rules which build the walls--we don't trust, feel, or talk for fear of the family's secret sins getting out.
Children growing into adults continue those traditions which bind them to the family dysfunction. However, they are at the same time repelled from wanting to be around more of the same that will be reinforced at dysfunctional family gatherings.
However, family power through the threat of ex-communication or being cut off from the will compels survivors to go to the family gatherings and survive some more. The hope of Christmas here is that it ends for another year on December 26.
When people stay behind these emotional walls they tend to get more and more isolative. Both adult and adolescent patients who evidenced to be survivors have said to me:
These people have in essence rejected themselves and believe that other people will reject them too.
Changing how one hopes.
I presume that some reading this blog are looking for hope. They are tired of just surviving and are looking to thrive.
I propose a secular option and a spiritual option (both can work together just fine)
First, the secular option . . .
If you have related to the material I have discussed today and in this blog as a whole, I point out that none of my ideas are absolutely my own. I have borrowed from other theorists and authors--many other professionals have figured this stuff out too. The hope and good news, is . . .
The secrets you claim to have are had by other people too. The reality is that you likely need to take risk and believe me and the other professionals. Your problems have been dealt with over and over again and again.
If you are willing to make changes to stop surviving and begin to thrive . . . you can.
Now, the spiritual option (and my preferred one) . . .
God as a personal God is well acquainted with pain and knows what it is like. God knows our pain. God knows our past. God knows what we are thinking even behind our emotional walls.
God knows our weaknesses and our sins and despite God's knowledge of those things, God still loves us behind our emotional walls. In God's great love God sent His son to come to earth and in Jesus there is both a present and future hope.
In light of God's great love, we are accepted as the sinful and broken people we are, even if we have felt like we have been behind a wall and separated from the rest of humanity. The gift of God can only be accepted by you whether you stay behind that emotional wall or not.
Your family members cannot accept it or reject it for you. Faith is a choice that someone can only make for ones self.
Yes, we find hope in the original reason for Christmas and sometimes, and it can help us begin to break down the walls in our lives--starting with the one between us and God.
Advent is part of the church year that consists of four weeks. It is celebrated in many high-church traditions that include the Catholic, Methodist, Anglican, and Lutheran churches. If you want to learn more about Advent a basic Google query will give you a number of great websites with more information than you can shake a stick at.
While I did not grow up with Advent, I do see it as a season of the church year that invites me to look at myself, and find renewal as we look to celebrate the earthly birth of Jesus Christ, God-incarnate. We see how we are sinful people in need of God's grace and salvation as revealed and accomplished in Jesus Christ.
I recognize that many rationally-thinking people struggle with the concept of a God. For them they further have problems wrapping their heads around the Christmas story that at times can be compared with a movie plot by George Lucas. Christmas does call for faith, and whether you have it is up to you.
Hope and Survivors
Regardless, hope is something that many people are looking for in this world. If you admit to being an emotional survivor like I discussed yesterday, hope may be a problem.
Survivors live behind emotional walls. They dwell on what is bad about themselves. They are afraid to come out and be who they really are because dwelling on the bad points has tended to reduce their self-esteem to close to nothing. They do not trust anyone and suffer in self-imposed isolation.
A person's emotional walls tend to get built in childhood by family dysfunction and abuse. The dysfunction demands the adherance to rules which build the walls--we don't trust, feel, or talk for fear of the family's secret sins getting out.
Children growing into adults continue those traditions which bind them to the family dysfunction. However, they are at the same time repelled from wanting to be around more of the same that will be reinforced at dysfunctional family gatherings.
However, family power through the threat of ex-communication or being cut off from the will compels survivors to go to the family gatherings and survive some more. The hope of Christmas here is that it ends for another year on December 26.
When people stay behind these emotional walls they tend to get more and more isolative. Both adult and adolescent patients who evidenced to be survivors have said to me:
If people only knew about the real me, they would reject me.
These people have in essence rejected themselves and believe that other people will reject them too.
Changing how one hopes.
I presume that some reading this blog are looking for hope. They are tired of just surviving and are looking to thrive.
- They want to be who they really are.
- They would like to accept themselves (although they have problems expressing that)
- They want to feel their feelings and feel okay that they feel the way they do feel.
- They want to feel normal.
I propose a secular option and a spiritual option (both can work together just fine)
First, the secular option . . .
If you have related to the material I have discussed today and in this blog as a whole, I point out that none of my ideas are absolutely my own. I have borrowed from other theorists and authors--many other professionals have figured this stuff out too. The hope and good news, is . . .
that how people are, and how they tick is pretty evident to therapists and you are not that freak of nature that you fear.
You only feel like it and feelings are NOT facts.
The secrets you claim to have are had by other people too. The reality is that you likely need to take risk and believe me and the other professionals. Your problems have been dealt with over and over again and again.
If you are willing to make changes to stop surviving and begin to thrive . . . you can.
Now, the spiritual option (and my preferred one) . . .
God as a personal God is well acquainted with pain and knows what it is like. God knows our pain. God knows our past. God knows what we are thinking even behind our emotional walls.
God knows our weaknesses and our sins and despite God's knowledge of those things, God still loves us behind our emotional walls. In God's great love God sent His son to come to earth and in Jesus there is both a present and future hope.
In light of God's great love, we are accepted as the sinful and broken people we are, even if we have felt like we have been behind a wall and separated from the rest of humanity. The gift of God can only be accepted by you whether you stay behind that emotional wall or not.
Your family members cannot accept it or reject it for you. Faith is a choice that someone can only make for ones self.
Yes, we find hope in the original reason for Christmas and sometimes, and it can help us begin to break down the walls in our lives--starting with the one between us and God.
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