As I have written in one of my first blog postings, Christmas is like a hurricane where people are dreading the storm that is to come December 25. This hurricane effect includes
All of these mental actions are future oriented. These are negative thoughts and they produce negative emotions and physical stress.
If someone is isolating and staying home and doing nothing at the holidays, they are running the risk of letting their imagination run wild and creating mountains out of mole hills about various fears or griefs they have about the holidays. The longer someone dwells on these negative thoughts, the bigger the mountains they create from the mole hills.
Living in the Present
Living in the present has been a oft-made recommendation by therapists and self-help authors. What it can mean may take a whole book to elaborate. I won't do that, but I think I can give you a brief idea of what you can start to do. If you want to read more about living in the present--you can easily Google it and get all kinds of thoughts.
In a nutshell, I think that living in the present is focusing on the present moment and place. You are working to not dwell on days and weeks and years ahead. You are stopping yourself from thinking about all of the potential disasters that could happen. You are also putting the past on a shelf in the back of your mind and not focusing on it either. Neither the past or the future are things you can do about, so we concentrate on the present.
Focusing on the present does not necessarily mean that it is going to be easy. The present may be tough if you are in the middle of a crisis. The present may also be tough if you are suffering. However, options and solutions are only going be had in the present; you and I are not going to fix a past problem, and we do not know what the future holds until we get there. I may be suffering now, but I can perhaps choose now to lessen my suffering or take comfort in something now to ease my pain.
A Historical and Spiritual Recommendation
Living in the present actually has been a recommendation of most religions. Hinduism and Buddhism recommend doing meditation, focusing on medication, and being in touch with the now. The Bible also recommends living in the present:
Jesus himself said in the "Sermon on the Mount" (Matthew 6:25-34)
25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? 28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
(NIV)
The point is that for thousands of years there has been the recommendation to focus on the present. People have had problems worrying about what bad things could happen in the future.
Methods of Living in the Present
While this may sound condescending, I think that many people need to do more than just sitting at home reading blog posts and trying to change what you think so as to stay in the present. If your emotional pain is intense, thinking positive thoughts about the present are not likely going to be enough. Many need to get up and change their scenery and get active.
If you have been isolating because you have avoided friends and family it may be that you need to go out and be around people. Getting into a different mindset often means changing your surroundings where different sounds and senses can be experienced.
Being in the present also means doing something different but healthy. Trying something different like listening to a different type of radio station or going to a concert that you would not normally go to can also get you in a different frame of mind. Going and trying a different cuisine or type of food can broaden your horizons. A possibly easy option is going out to the mall and people watch--look at people's faces and compare and contrast their facial expressions (some ethnographers get research grants to do this). The sky really is the limit when working to stay in the present.
Concluding thoughts
We as humans need a break from worrying and holiday stress. Focusing on the present is a useful and simple strategy. While it has its limits, focusing on the present does provide some relief. Life can be simpler and less stressful in the present when we are spending our energy imagining that bad things are going to happen.
- some people are dreading the future
- grieving that the holidays are not going to will be the same
- some people are lamenting that their families are so toxic and dysfunctional that they just cannot get along.
All of these mental actions are future oriented. These are negative thoughts and they produce negative emotions and physical stress.
If someone is isolating and staying home and doing nothing at the holidays, they are running the risk of letting their imagination run wild and creating mountains out of mole hills about various fears or griefs they have about the holidays. The longer someone dwells on these negative thoughts, the bigger the mountains they create from the mole hills.
Living in the Present
Living in the present has been a oft-made recommendation by therapists and self-help authors. What it can mean may take a whole book to elaborate. I won't do that, but I think I can give you a brief idea of what you can start to do. If you want to read more about living in the present--you can easily Google it and get all kinds of thoughts.
In a nutshell, I think that living in the present is focusing on the present moment and place. You are working to not dwell on days and weeks and years ahead. You are stopping yourself from thinking about all of the potential disasters that could happen. You are also putting the past on a shelf in the back of your mind and not focusing on it either. Neither the past or the future are things you can do about, so we concentrate on the present.
Focusing on the present does not necessarily mean that it is going to be easy. The present may be tough if you are in the middle of a crisis. The present may also be tough if you are suffering. However, options and solutions are only going be had in the present; you and I are not going to fix a past problem, and we do not know what the future holds until we get there. I may be suffering now, but I can perhaps choose now to lessen my suffering or take comfort in something now to ease my pain.
A Historical and Spiritual Recommendation
Living in the present actually has been a recommendation of most religions. Hinduism and Buddhism recommend doing meditation, focusing on medication, and being in touch with the now. The Bible also recommends living in the present:
Jesus himself said in the "Sermon on the Mount" (Matthew 6:25-34)
25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? 28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
(NIV)
The point is that for thousands of years there has been the recommendation to focus on the present. People have had problems worrying about what bad things could happen in the future.
Methods of Living in the Present
While this may sound condescending, I think that many people need to do more than just sitting at home reading blog posts and trying to change what you think so as to stay in the present. If your emotional pain is intense, thinking positive thoughts about the present are not likely going to be enough. Many need to get up and change their scenery and get active.
If you have been isolating because you have avoided friends and family it may be that you need to go out and be around people. Getting into a different mindset often means changing your surroundings where different sounds and senses can be experienced.
Being in the present also means doing something different but healthy. Trying something different like listening to a different type of radio station or going to a concert that you would not normally go to can also get you in a different frame of mind. Going and trying a different cuisine or type of food can broaden your horizons. A possibly easy option is going out to the mall and people watch--look at people's faces and compare and contrast their facial expressions (some ethnographers get research grants to do this). The sky really is the limit when working to stay in the present.
Concluding thoughts
We as humans need a break from worrying and holiday stress. Focusing on the present is a useful and simple strategy. While it has its limits, focusing on the present does provide some relief. Life can be simpler and less stressful in the present when we are spending our energy imagining that bad things are going to happen.
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