Because there tends to be so much focus on loneliness at the holidays, it has been something of a strange interest to me for the past several years. I have found loneliness to be the absence of peace when one is alone.
We can be alone, but not necessarily lonely. In fact there are times when we have the need to be away from others and be alone. There are other times when we are alone and are indifferent to being alone.
I figure that being alone follows a continuum.
Need to be with people No need Need to be away from people
Loneliness------------------------------------Alone--------------------------------------------Privacy
Emptiness-------------------------------------Peace--------------------------------------------Satiation
It is not necessarily a perfect continuum, but loneliness signifies that there is a need.
Some of us are introverts who like our puzzles and stamp collections. Others are extroverts that like going to parties and dancing. Nevertheless, I agree with Rick Springfield that "We all need the human touch."
We all need connection, identification with others, and belonging. For many of us the lack of human touch will eventually get to us.
Otherwise we seem more likely to feel lonely when we are in pain and need the attention of other people. Some of the pain may come from engaging in negative thinking or dwelling on some pain of the past and so we may need the assurance of acceptance from others people that we are okay. We need the connection all the more when we are in pain and not getting the assurance and comfort from others makes the loneliness worse.
I do feel with the trauma survivor who is caught in a double bind of wanting human connection but afraid to trust others. The survivor tends to feel empty but is too scared to seek fulfillment.
Strangely, many trauma survivors are defiantly proud in their pain. They are hurting inside but they are not going to admit it. They spend their energies in building up defenses as they are not going to get hurt again.
However, survivors can develop thick walls around a void. They can forget why they have such thick walls. The tough facade can eventually be destructive and weigh a person down.
There can be a sense of relief when one lets go of the facade and admit we are lonely. It is a sense of liberation that we can admit that we are human like everyone else.
It takes a lot of courage to admit that one is lonely. It is a confession of weakness. It is a surrender to the reality that you are not the invincible person that you have been posing to be. It is an admission that you like all other human beings on planet earth have needs, but it is often the first step towards peace.
We can be alone, but not necessarily lonely. In fact there are times when we have the need to be away from others and be alone. There are other times when we are alone and are indifferent to being alone.
I figure that being alone follows a continuum.
Need to be with people No need Need to be away from people
Loneliness------------------------------------Alone--------------------------------------------Privacy
Emptiness-------------------------------------Peace--------------------------------------------Satiation
It is not necessarily a perfect continuum, but loneliness signifies that there is a need.
Some of us are introverts who like our puzzles and stamp collections. Others are extroverts that like going to parties and dancing. Nevertheless, I agree with Rick Springfield that "We all need the human touch."
We all need connection, identification with others, and belonging. For many of us the lack of human touch will eventually get to us.
Otherwise we seem more likely to feel lonely when we are in pain and need the attention of other people. Some of the pain may come from engaging in negative thinking or dwelling on some pain of the past and so we may need the assurance of acceptance from others people that we are okay. We need the connection all the more when we are in pain and not getting the assurance and comfort from others makes the loneliness worse.
I do feel with the trauma survivor who is caught in a double bind of wanting human connection but afraid to trust others. The survivor tends to feel empty but is too scared to seek fulfillment.
Strangely, many trauma survivors are defiantly proud in their pain. They are hurting inside but they are not going to admit it. They spend their energies in building up defenses as they are not going to get hurt again.
However, survivors can develop thick walls around a void. They can forget why they have such thick walls. The tough facade can eventually be destructive and weigh a person down.
There can be a sense of relief when one lets go of the facade and admit we are lonely. It is a sense of liberation that we can admit that we are human like everyone else.
It takes a lot of courage to admit that one is lonely. It is a confession of weakness. It is a surrender to the reality that you are not the invincible person that you have been posing to be. It is an admission that you like all other human beings on planet earth have needs, but it is often the first step towards peace.
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