Christmas Eve-Seeking and Finding Peace.

Yes it is Christmas Eve.  If you did not get it, you will have to do without it.  If they are not coming then we will not see them.  It is either a matter of feeling some sort of peace or some sort of internal turmoil.

The world has continued to be full of turmoil since Sandy Hook.  Three days ago some suicide bomber went to a political rally in Pakistan and killed eight people with himself.  Today some ex-convict started a fire outside of Rochester, New York and then shot four volunteer firemen--killing two of them.  Here in Louisville, Kentucky a 20-year-old male was shot dead.  Psychopaths and sociopaths do not have empathy and do not value human life.

The World Does Not Offer Us Inner Peace

In this life, I have been hard-pressed to find that the world as we know has ever given a sense of peace.  The phrase that comes to mind is "dog eat dog."  The world that we live is in rough. 

The roughness seems amplified during Christmas time when the Christmas music comes out suggesting peace love and good will.   There is something disingenuous and ironic about Christmas music when the other 10 1/2 months are anything but good and fair.

Many of our workplaces are not fair.  In many of our workplaces we endure cronyism and dishonesty despite whatever policy exists to enforce order and fairness.   In these same workplaces, the grievance processes prove to be a joke because if the unfairness serves the purpose of management. 

Many of our families are not fair.  We have family members who are frauds who hold the power cards.  Dealing with them is like eating a packet of the pink packet sweetener.  We would like to feel closer to them but the price is to do it on their terms where they think they are being nice but their comments are nothing but sugar-coated abuse.

These global and personal factors are not going to give us inner-peace. Thinking about these things creates the feelings of pain, anger and loneliness.  If we are alone tonight, then we run the risk of dwelling on our pain.

Being alone on a night like tonight also amplifies the pain because there is the likely message of inferiority or deficit because if we are alone then there must be something wrong with us.   No one wonder there is more suicides in the month of December and at Christmas.

Finding Peace

Many people think that finding peace is this grand state that is supposed to be once and for-and-for-all.   The reality is that peace is generally a moment by moment matter. 

Finding Peace begins with recognizing you are feeling pain and chaos.  The next step is stopping thinking about the pain.  Stopping may have to be done one moment at a time.  I think that peace is best found when you are doing things according to your religious or moral code.

You may have to do a number of activities or "things" to stop thinking about the chaos and pain.   There are options to finding to peace even just for the moment.   We all have moments of pain and we have moments of peace. 

I had my annual viewing of  Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol  and in the prospective "ghost of Christmas future" portion, I saw a great example.  Bob Cratchitt and his family were grieving the death of Tiny Tim.  Bob was able to look at his surviving children, think for a minute and say "I am a happy man."  I counted my blessings along with Bob and I felt a moment of peace.

Peace Doesn't Have to Be Perfect

Since peace tends to last from one moment to another, it does not have to be perfect.  It just has to get us through.  Many people in AA have to pray the serenity prayer many times a day. 

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Many of us not in AA could benefit from such a practice too.  This is a great way of stopping negative thoughts and getting your mind away from the negative.

Final Comments

Tonight, we celebrate the "Prince of Peace."  It has proven to be hard if not impossible for many to think about peace given personal and global situations.  It is a challenge for each one of us to feel or not feel it; it is a choice.

If you happen to be reading this and are feeling hopeless, I suggest you wake someone up or call your nearest helpline.  In most communities, it is 211.  Sometimes a person can be depressed beyond trying to practice thought-stopping and praying the serenity prayer.

I wish you peace tonight and peace tomorrow.



 

The Self-Help Therapy Lesson of Ebenezer Scrooge

Tonight I watched A Christmas Carol for the second time this holiday season. I saw the 1951 version in black and white a few weeks back and tonight I saw the 1984 versus in color with George C. Scott as Ebenezer Scrooge.

Charles Dickens created in a short time a word for the English language to describe someone who is negative and bitter. Pretty much everyone knows what it means when we call some one a Scrooge, and as far as I know, it may become an international word like Schizophrenia.

Watching the movie and listening to a radio version on Christmas Eve are now yearly events for me. They are perspective-correcting experiences.

In the curse that I call my professional mindset, I see the character of Ebenezer Scrooge as a typical survivor and a workaholic. Apparently, Charles Dickens knew a number of people like Scrooge in the mid-19^th century that helped him create a timeless masterpiece.

This character has a history that many might relate to—including a number of people I know who have become professional psychotherapists and psychiatrists. Sarcasm aside, many of us relate to Scrooge by our own pain or in dealing with those other Scrooges in our life.

Analyzing Scrooge--Many of us can relate

Ebenezer Scrooge had a hard childhood and youth. His mother apparently died giving him birth. He had a father who apparently was angry that Ebenezer's mother died in childbirth and apparently did not give Ebenezer any warmth or tenderness and apparently held a grudge against him.

Ebenezer was sent to a boarding school and then sent to apprentice in a counting/trading house. In his being driven for wealth Ebenezer put work above everything and Belle the one girl who had interest in him broke up with him on a Christmas Eve because of his choosing work over her.

Ebenezer became a bitter person who was abusive to those around him. He had a closed heart and no sympathy for the suffering of others. He thought generosity was a waste of money, and berated his nephew Fred for hosting a dinner. He was quick to be angry. He was self-absorbed in his negativity and selfishness.

The side note of Tiny Tim.

The opposite of Scrooge in this story is Tim Cratchit, who was called Tiny Tim. Tim was the son of Bob Cratchit, Scrooge's only employee. Tim had some kind of physical disability that he required a crutch to get around. Tim had this very noble and gentle spirit about him as related in a conversation between Bob and his wife in “Stave 3” of the story:

He told me, coming home, that he hoped the people saw him in the church, because he was a cripple, and it might be pleasant to them to remember upon Christmas Day, who made lame beggars walk, and blind men see.'   (http://www.pagebypagebooks.com/Charles_Dickens/A_Christmas_Carol/index.html)

Tim had more than Scrooge to complain about if Tim were to complain. However, Tim did not complain. Tim was kind of taking the Bible passage, Philippians 4:8 to heart:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. (NIV)

The Lesson of Scrooge

While many can take whatever message they wish from the story . . . the story of Scrooge is an opportunity to look at yourself and to reflect on what matters to you. Scrooge illustrates that being a survivor is miserable, and survivors can develop nasty reputations and victimhood in earlier life stops being a valid excuse.

Charles Dickens seems to encourage the reader to thrive and make Christmas meaningful. Not everyone is going to be able to be as generous as Scrooge was on the Christmas day after the visit from the three spirits, but definitely people can begin to open their heart to others.

Thriving and Living with an Open Heart

After the visit from the three spirits Scrooge became humble and real and seemed to open his heart to others. He started sincerely caring about others. While it is not in the actual story ( http://www.pagebypagebooks.com/Charles_Dickens/A_Christmas_Carol/index.html) , the different movies have Scrooge apologizing to his nephew for being such a jerk.

Tiny Tim Crachit indeed does live with an open heart. Okay, the character is a crippled child living in a lower-class situation, but he is not about what is bad. He is generous in the way he shares his spirit and hope.

I honestly have to say that living with an open heart like Tiny Tim is going to be difficult for people who are survivors. Survivors have closed their hearts and lives for some good reasons—the trauma and emotional abuse that they have suffered as children. Closing your heart and emotions to others serves a purpose to protect yourself from harm—especially if your family is still a bunch of toxic and abusive people.   Survivors become so invested in surviving that learning to thrive is like trying to learn a new language that has a different sentence structure and alphabet--it almost requires a new way of thinking and it becomes hard work.

However, a reasonable question is: do the reasons for keeping your heart closed still exist? Of course you can rationalize keeping your heart closed for many reasons, but it has diminishing returns over the years, and you can wind up as a bitter old recluse like Ebenezer Scrooge (with or without the money).

Maybe you can find some ways to be like Tiny Tim?  God bless Us, Every One!